Hoarders of Excellence
The Darker Shades of Pride
Many see pride as a positive trait, like being proud of one's children or achievements. Historically, however, pride is considered a vice in many philosophical traditions, leading to internal decay and self-objectification.
We often seek success for its social benefits, rather than personal satisfaction, which can lead to an endless and unfulfilling pursuit of more wealth, fame, or power.
Pride can corrupt even good deeds and virtues. It can turn meaningful work into harmful workaholism and transform the pursuit of excellence into an unhealthy addiction.
Pride is closely related to fear, particularly the fear of living a "normal" life filled with everyday struggles. This fear is prevalent among success addicts who dread failure above all, individuals who are highly motivated to succeed. It can lead to a lack of enjoyment in accomplishments and constant anxiety about potential failure.
Fear and perfectionism are intertwined, leading one to focus more on avoiding mistakes than achieving positive outcomes. Perfectionists often believe they are better than others, which adds pressure to maintain their perceived superiority.
Now, it’s not a novel thought that when we compare ourselves to others, our happiness is likely to decrease significantly. Social media exacerbates it. There, success is often exaggerated or misrepresented.
Do You Miss Your Career?
Stepping back from your career can be as painful emotionally as withdrawing from a substance addiction, leading to feelings of loss and nostalgia.
Identifying the problem is your crucial first step. You won't progress from your current strengths to new ones until you address the underlying issues. That’s why you should be honest about your struggles and commit to change. Just like in recovery programs, admitting you're waging a battle against your past habits—be it work, perfectionism, or social comparison—is pivotal. Embrace humility over pride.
You should be trying to establish that your ultimate desire is to be truly happy, even if it means being less recognized in the world. Reflect on what you’re clinging to that might signify success—whether it’s material possessions like cars or boats, or less tangible ones like social media acclaim. Recognize that these are just symbols and often add no real value to your life.
Success addicts need to shed the physical and social symbols that reinforce their self-worth tied to achievements. This can help transition to a life focused on genuine satisfaction rather than external validation.
Create personal rituals or prayers that help confront and manage the urges of workaholism, pride, and fear of failure. This can aid in moving towards a healthier, more balanced life.
Remember, the journey away from success addiction is challenging but crucial for achieving true happiness and fulfillment. Start by honestly assessing your situation and be willing to embrace change.
Collector’s Folly
I used to be best buddies with a man who became rich from software development but then struggled because he based his entire self-worth on being a "Shark." After his initial success, he bought countless items—houses, cars, gadgets—but he couldn't even enjoy them. His dining room was packed with unopened purchases, and his expensive cars were left undriven. Despite having hundreds of acquaintances and countless photos from travels, his relationships were shallow. He collected people as if they were items, not meaningful connections. He lived by the motto "He who dies with the most toys, wins," yet in reality, accumulating things didn't bring fulfillment.
It would do us good to learn from mistakes of people like him. Pursuing a never-ending list of possessions and experiences—like this buddy of mine—doesn't guarantee happiness. He was stuck in the past, always talking about his earlier success and never feeling satisfied with his current state or future prospects. His life was a clutter of unfulfilling acquisitions and experiences.
If you find yourself on a similar path, pause and reassess. It's not about how much you own or how many places you've seen, but the depth and quality of your life experiences and relationships. Consider the quality of your relationships. Take a step back and reflect on what truly makes you happy. Don't fall into the "bucket list" trap. Beware of linking your identity to success or possessions. Hoarding doesn't lead to winning.
My Story
You should visit the National Palace Museum in Taiwan — it's a must-see with the world's greatest collection of Chinese art, spanning 8,000 years. The museum's abundance can be overwhelming; it's hard to appreciate fully without guidance, as you can only see a fraction of its vast collection in one visit. Hiring a guide transformed my museum experience; a knowledgeable guide explained the artistic and philosophical significance of key pieces.
Now, marvelling at a jade Buddha sculpture led to a profound insight — my guide contrasted Eastern and Western art perceptions:
While the West sees art as creation from nothing,
like an empty canvas,
the East views it as revealing what already exists,
like sculpting from a block of jade.
This extends beyond art:
In music, Western symphonies add layers of sound, Indian ragas strip back to reveal the 'true music'.
Western culture often equates happiness with acquiring more, whereas Eastern philosophy suggests happiness comes from stripping back to reveal one's true nature.
This Eastern approach resonates with me personally — as I've aged and accumulated more, I've started to question whether true happiness comes from adding more to life.
My guide's advice sparked a shift in my perspective — it prompted me to reconsider how I approach the second half of my life, focusing less on accumulation and more on simplification.